Napoleon Bonaparte

"In politics stupidity is not a handicap."

Henny Youngman

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."

Jack Benny

"If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

Mitch Hedberg

"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."

Jean Kerr

"I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it."

Milton Berle

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

Rodney Dangerfield

"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."