Rita Rudner

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

Wilson Mizner

"There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless."

Alex Haley

"Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."

Casey Stengel

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."

John F. Kennedy

"My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight."

William Lyon Phelps

"If I didn't start painting, I would have raised chickens."

Bob Hope

"If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it."